do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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