I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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