Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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