she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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