he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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