My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
