Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this boner is exhausting
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
