a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
