Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
