I cannot find my penis.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
