remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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