Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
