Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
