Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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