he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
