So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
