it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
