Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
