they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
