My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
