my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
