the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
