I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize