Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
