dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
