She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
