i dont even know how to be here
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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