I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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