I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
