I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
