I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
