i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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