I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
