Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
