he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
