is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
