brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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