i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
