I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
