I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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