i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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