Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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