Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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