well I can't set my house on fire every night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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