Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
