i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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