Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize