there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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