Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
