my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
this hospital has no fireball
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
