im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
