i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
