I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
