i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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