There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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