guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
