and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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