can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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