she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
