I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
