the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
