plz talk dirty to me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
