this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
