Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
