Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
whose ass print is on the piano?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
