WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
