How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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