I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
