I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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