I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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