I wish I only lived at night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
