what day is it and did you see me today?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
