i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
