Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
