We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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