So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
