And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
