I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
