Where is the hickey?
I smell stomach acid.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
