Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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