Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
