OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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