Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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