She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
