I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Boobs speak an international language.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
