Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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