We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
