Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
