I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
