I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
