Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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