Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
