Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
