really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
