Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
