Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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