I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
