I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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