I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
