Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I forget how to act sober
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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