How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
